


Haunted (by memories and old ghosts)

by LaCacciatrice



Series: FlashBorg [4]
Category: DC Cinematic Universe, DCU, Justice League (2017)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaCacciatrice/pseuds/LaCacciatrice
Summary: He didn't realize until now that he didn't receive any report from Barry. He heard from the news that nothing was stolen and Flash was quick to save the day. But nobody knew who was the bad guy and why would they break into the anthropology museum of all places?





	Haunted (by memories and old ghosts)

"Batman to Cyborg." 

Victor was used to hearing Bruce's grumpy voice in his head at any time of the day. As a member of the League who's  _a_ _l_ _w_ _a_ _y_ _s_  online, he was the first one Bruce contacted. He was playing the tech guy role of the group and he didn't mind. It means he is responsible of following the flow of information around the world and connecting to the Leaguers when it's necessary. Since he's barely out and always online, it was easy.  

"Listening." He said simply. Bruce was a nice guy, no matter how much of an asshole he can be sometimes. He doesn't always show it but he's pretty considerate and protective when it comes to people he cared about, like other members of Justice League and Alfred. Victor didn't know much about Bats but he knew that he is a man who lost too much during his time as the protector of Gotham City. And Victor had respect for him. Lots of respect. But they weren't really close. Not like how he's with Diana. Their relationship was more professional with Bruce.  

"Have you received any report from the Flash?" 

That was usual, too. They all have their cities to protect. Diana was mostly in Europe, Barry was protecting Gem Cities while Clark was Metropolis' savior. Cyborg and Batman were Gotham's heroes but Victor wasn't as popular as Bruce. He mostly worked with the League rather than solo. So, Leaguers would send their reports to Bruce through Victor. It was easier this way.  

"No." He didn't actually hear from Barry for a while. Barry sent his last report 3 days ago when he stopped some guy dressed up like a less dangerous Joker knock-off. Apparently, he likes to be called 'Trickster'. Batman wasn't amused by the silly notes Barry added to his report about how stupid that codename was.  

This evening he received an alert about someone breaking into Central City's anthropology museum. When he informed Barry, young speedster complained about how much he loved that museum and they better not ruin anything in it. Victor smiled even though Barry couldn't see him since they were communicating through commlinks. Victor wasn't ready to talk about the seriousness of their relationship but it was clear that things were different between them after the kiss. And it was a good change.  

He didn't realize until now that he didn't receive any report from Barry. He heard from the news that nothing was stolen and Flash was quick to save the day. But nobody knew who was the bad guy and why would they break into anthropology museum of all places? 

Barry probably forgot to eat before going into a fight and when he got back at home he passed out on his coach after eating 3 boxes of pizza. Bats was going to be mad.  

"I tried to contact him." Bruce's voice was deep and hoarse as usual, he was probably out there in the dark, doing his patrol. Victor was the half man half machine one but sometimes he wondered Bats ever sleeps. "No answer." Bruce said darkly. 

Victor felt a bit worried after that. Barry was in his last year of college while working at crime lab as an intern. Between university, internship, his other job and superhero identity, he was always busy. It's not necessarily weird of him to forget sending a report. However, he always answered when the League called. Always. 

League meant too much to Barry. He was wronged by judicial system as a kid. He was mistreated, pushed aside and was forced to be a social outcast by society. Yet nothing made him happier than helping others to get justice.  

Not everyone was happy with Justice League, of course. Governments and police weren't a big fan of something they cannot control. Victor heard of something called 'Flash Task Force' once and when he asked Barry, pale boy told him not to worry. Victor took his word for it. But now he was worried. What if they used this opportunity to catch Flash like a criminal. Just thinking about it made Victor mad. Barry was the sweetest, nicest guy he's ever known. He was only trying to help and those people (the ones he worked with him as Barry Allen) were after him like he's some petty criminal.  

"Do you think he's in trouble?" He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. He wasn’t ashamed of his feelings for Barry or of what's going on between them. He wasn't apologetic. But he also didn’t feel comfortable knowing Bats can see right through them. He wouldn't mind Diana knowing. Or Clark. But Batman was a different story.  

Victor shook his head.  

Terrible time to think about complicated feelings.  

"He might be. Or he might be sleeping is all I know." Bruce grumbled.  

"I will go check on him." Victor said automatically. "Just in case." There was a silence in the line for a moment. Victor felt uncomfortable, like, Bats was watching him with those sharp eyes of his even though he knew Bruce couldn't see him. 

"Yes. Good idea." Bruce said finally. "Let me now when you find him. Batman out." 

Cyborg took a deep breath before flying toward Central City. 

 

 

First place he thought of checking was, of course, Barry's place. He still hoped he would find Barry snoring on his coach. It'd piss Batman off, of course, but it was better than all other options. 

He went through Barry's half open window. Moon was extremely bright tonight but even if it wasn't, Vic's red left eye could easily see empty pizza boxes and beer bottles on the floor. There was some paper work left (probably when Barry took off to stop the robbery) but no sign of Barry.  

Vic didn’t want to admit but he was getting really worried. He checked social media and news. No sight of Flash after this evening's event.  

What if Barry was injured? What if he was out there somewhere bleeding to death? All alone. 

Victor shook his head.  No point of thinking like this.  

He decided to fly around the city and if he still couldn't find Barry then he would contact the others. 

 

 

He realized there's no need for that after flying around the city for 5 minutes. Barry was there, sitting on one of the skyscraper's roof. His shiny red suit was easy to spot. He didn’t look injured or hurt. He was calmly sitting there and dangling his feet.  

Victor was ready to give him a lecture on being more responsible and not making your teammates worry when he noticed Barry's dark hair. His mask was lying next to him. Victor raised an eyebrow. Speedster didn’t like taking off his mask when he's suited up. Mostly because he was extremely careful (almost paranoid) when it comes to his secret identity. But during one of their nightly chats, he shyly admitted that he feels more comfortable wearing a mask. Vic didn't understand why. Barry had a pretty nice face. Nice to look at.  

Victor's feet touched the ground, he wasn't trying to be quiet but Barry still ignored him. Actually, Victor doubted that Barry even noticed his presence.  

"Barry." He said softly to not startle the young speedster which would cause hyperactive boy to fall. Victor would catch him, of course. He would always catch Barry when he falls. 

Barry didn't answer. 

"Hey, B." Victor tried again.  

He slowly approached the dark-haired boy. Barry's face was lowered like he was watching the city below them. His hands were lying on his lap. He was unusually still, Victor would think he's frozen if it wasn't for Barry's dangling feet.  

Victor slowly sat next to him and tried another way to get a reaction out of the other man. 

"Barry, you made Bats really worried." Victor tried to smile as if it's a joke between them. "He sounded grumpier than ever." Barry didn't say anything first. But when Victor was losing the hope of getting any kind of reaction, Barry spoke. 

"Sorry." That was all he said but Victor was taken back by how low his voice was. How raspy it was. Like he was crying for hours.  

"Barry." Victor sounded more serious now and his voice was stronger, leaving no room for doubt or simple excuses to avoid him. "Look at me."  Barry raised a gloved hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. Victor was dying to yank his hand away and look at his face, to see him smiling and being his adorable awkward self again. But he knew he needs to be patient. If Barry's actually having a bad day, as a good friend (and maybe more), Victor must be patient with him.  

Barry finally lowered his hand and slowly, painfully slow for himself, turned to Victor. 

Barry looked nothing like himself. His eyes were bloodshot, even the skin around his almond shaped eyes were red from crying. His long lashes were wet and sticking together. There were tear traces on his cheeks. His plump lips were red from biting down. His hair was messy and he looked miserable. He looked older than he actually was. 

Victor didn't know what say. So, he softly whispered the other boy's name once again. 

"Barry." Scarlet Speedster looked at him in the eye, something he very rarely did without feeling uncomfortable. But right now, Barry looked so numb, so broken, so dead inside that Victor doubted he cared or noticed that he was holding eye contact. "What happened? Are you alright?" 

Stupid question, he wasn't alright clearly. But Victor didn't know what else to say. 

Barry shrugged slowly, biting down his lip again. His dark eyes ran around, finally breaking eye contact.  

"Talk to me." Victor didn't want to force him but Barry looked terrible. Victor was actually worried about his mental state and psychical health at this point. He looked like he could pass out any second.  

Barry licked his lips slowly like he was gaining time to find his voice again.  

"So, I was thinking..." He finally said. He was speaking slow, like, every word was a challenge to get out. Like someone switched a button and now he was the slowest man alive.  

"About what?" Victor tried to keep the conversation going, to encourage him. Instead of answering right away, Barry closed his eyes tightly like it was so hard to think about, like he was trying to erase thoughts and images from his mind. 

"I was so stupid. God," he choked. "I am so stupid." Victor didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to handle a situation like this. Diana was better at emotional issues. But just thinking about how Barry tried to befriend him so hard to show him that he's not just a man trapped in a machine was enough to force himself to do better. Be there for him. Like Barry was there for him even when they were nothing but two strangers trying to save the world from a mad alien conqueror. 

"Barry, you are anything but stupid. Take a breath, calm down, okay? Whatever the problem is, we can help. I can help." He added the last part carefully. But Barry shook his head, eyes still closed tightly.  

"No. No. You can't. It's all my fault." Victor was beyond confused when Barry opened his eyes and looked at him like a man who was waiting for his execution. "It was me. All this time... It was me." 

"What?" 

"I am the reason..." Barry's hand clutched Victor's arms, he was breathing heavily but Victor was frozen to his spot. "She died because of me. I am the reason." He looked at Victor, begging him to understand without uttering the words.  

"Who died, Barry?" Victor was actually worried now. Who was she? The girl from the university maybe? The one Barry mentioned once. What was her name? Iris? 

"My mother." Victor looked at him blankly for a moment. He was having a hard time to understand despite his intelligence and the tech attached to him. It wasn't always easy to understand Barry Allen but this was nothing like his ramblings. He was talking like a puzzle.  

"Barry, that's... It's ridiculous. You were just a kid, there was nothing you could--" 

"He was there for me." Barry said, sounding stronger and this time. "He was there to kill me." 

"Wait." Victor gasped. "You know who he is?" Barry face darkened, his eyes dulled and almost all emotions died and left nothing behind them. 

"Eobard Thawne." 

Victor's metallic hands balled into fists. That name was strange and alien to him but if he's really the reason of Barry's pain and sorrow, then Victor was going to find his pathetic self no matter where he is hiding and hunt him down. 

"We can search him." Victor said sharply because that's what Barry needed him to be. He was clearly having a breakdown and he needed someone to stay cool, calm and collected. Victor was going to be the one who keeps him grounded. "I will find him, where he lives and--"" 

"Don't bother." Barry said bitterly. "You will find nothing."  

Vic would take this as an insult to his abilities under normal circumstances. 

"Don't underestimate me. I can find anything or anyone who lives on this planet." Barry was facing the city below them, skyscrapers' lights were illuminating his face, making his cheekbones look sharper than ever. His expression was... nothing like Barry.  

"Unless they aren't born yet." He said flatly. 

"What?" Barry was speaking like a damn puzzle, that must be due to shock or whatever he was going through at the moment but Vic couldn't help him without knowing what's actually going on. 

"This Thawne guy," Barry started to explain, muttering every word slowly, like he was picking them up carefully or it was just really hard to speak them, "he is the one who broke into anthropology museum to get my attention. He is also a speedster." 

Okay, that was a huge surprise. 

"How is that possible?" Victor asked. "You got struck by lightning. What is the chance of this happening again that ends with result of giving your powers to someone else?" 

"Apparently, I was right about the Force. The Speed Force. It's what that gives us our powers and it wasn't an accident like I thought. At least this is what... he said." Barry stopped before saying the name of his mother's murderer.  

"But—I don't understand." Victor was even more confused than before. "When did he get his powers? Why would he come after you when you were a kid? How old is he? Did he know you'd gain powers one day? Based on what did the Force choose you two?" 

"About last part, I have no idea." His lips formed a bitter smile that looked so wrong on Barry's young face. "Why would any kind of power choose me? I have nothing. I am completely ordinary. No, I am not even ordinary. I am straight up weird and—I can't even do anything right." 

"You know that's not true." Victor's hand reached forward to touch Barry's shoulder to soothe him but Barry pushed his arm away and finally faced him. At least he was showing some emotions this time. His eyes were burning with something that Victor could recognize yet couldn't name.  

"But it is, Victor! You are wrong about me. I can't do anything right for this city. I failed my father and I couldn't do anything for my mother." Barry's lower lip started to tremble as all the fury and fire left him as fast as they came. His eyes avoided Victor's, not on purpose, more like he was in a trance. "I ruined my parents' lives. My father is in jail, my mother is dead and it's all my fault." 

"You can't blame yourself." Victor whispered but Barry was so desperate to show him, tell him how wrong he was. After all, he was guilty and he deserved the suffering. What he didn't deserve was Victor's calming, soothing words.  

"He came back in time to kill me, to stop me from becoming the Flash. He mentioned something about me being the first so he couldn't kill me. To take revenge he--" Barry ran a shaky hand through his black hair, couldn’t find courage to utter those words.  

"He did... What? How is that even possible?" 

"Apparently, it is possible for us, speedsters." Victor's eye traced every part of Barry's face, to make sure he understood what that means. 

"So, you can..." Victor didn't finish the sentence, there was no need to. Barry was a smart guy and he knew exactly what Victor meant. He nodded, eyes tightly closed, chewing his lower lip anxiously. Victor patiently waited for him to answer. 

"Yes. I can." He said eventually. "I can go back or forward in time. I can..." Stop him. Barry could stop him. He could change everything. Victor felt dazzled by just thinking about what Barry could do. Speed Force was a crazy source of power and apparently Barry was more OP than they thought.  

Barry opened his eyes and looked at Victor. He looked calmer but mostly he looked so damn tired. 

"I am scared." And he whispered it in a very different way than when he said he was afraid of heights or drowning. Back then, Barry was afraid but he was ready to fight back, he didn't mind Victor carrying him up in the sky or running on water. But this time, he was utterly and truly scared. 

Barry's lower lip trembled as he tried to hold back his emotions but it was too much to lock down. First sob escaped his mouth, sounding more like a hiccup. Then it's followed by loud and heartbreaking sobs as tears started to streaming down his cheeks again. 

Victor, without thinking twice, wrapped his metal arms around Barry lean body, pulling him closer to his chest as he wished he had any body heat to share. Barry let himself be pulled, hiding his face in Vic's chest, hands still lying on his laps like they were forgotten, unimportant. Victor's one hand pushed Barry's hair back slowly, feeling soft strands through the machine. He bent down to kiss top of Barry's head as the younger boy sobbed loudly and painfully.  

"Shh, Barry. I'm here. You aren't alone." Victor thought it'd be a good idea to remind Barry that he's not alone in this. Not anymore. Because Barry has been alone for so long. But he wasn't anymore. Not if Victor has anything to say about it.  

"How can I face my father after that? How can I look him in the eye knowing that it's my fault he is in jail and his wife is dead?" He whimpered painfully, hands balling into fists on his lap. "How can I live with that?" 

"You will do what you always do." 

"Embarrass myself in front of people?" Barry said bitterly. "Trip over my own feet?" 

"How many times do I have to tell you this? Because I will. I will keep telling how strong, how brave, how smart you are." 

"Me? Brave? Pfft!" 

"Bravery isn't lack of fear. It's the ability of facing your fears. Doing what's necessary no matter how afraid you are. And you, Barry, are always ready to face your fears for the sake of others. You are doing this for so long that it became a part of you, you don't even realize it. When your mother died and your father was put in jail, you didn't run away, you didn't hide. You were 9 but you came forward and fought for your father's freedom. You dedicated your whole life to prove your father's innocence. You lived in terrible places, juggled 4 jobs to get that degree. When Bruce came to get you, you followed him. You followed him after you got shot, you almost drowned and were beaten by an alien and his freak army. Because you are brave, you are strong and you are genuinely a good person." Victor's hands framed Barry's face, pulling their faces closer to directly look into his warm brown eyes. "And you definitely didn't deserve any of this. None of this was your fault." 

The way Barry looked at him... Eyes all shiny and wet, filled with pain and hope. Hope to believe what Victor was saying was actually true. Surprise. Surprised to hear someone talking so highly of him.  

Victor leaned forward, resting their foreheads against each other. 

"Gosh," Victor whispered, both of them closed their eyes, only relying on the skin to skin touch, "you deserve so much more." 

A moment of silence followed after that. Barry's sobs died down, Victor's hand continued stroking his back even though Barry barely could feel the contact. When he calmed down and came back to his senses, he remembered why he was avoiding the League in the first place. Why did he not run back to them? Not only because Barry was used to handling his own issues but also Eobard Thawne was not just a petty criminal. He was a complete psycho and he did want nothing more than to ruin Barry Allen's life. He wanted to hurt Barry, watch him suffer. He promised to take everything from Barry. He laughed about his father, mocked his relationship with Victor and his connection to the League. He told Barry he doesn't deserve to be on a team, he insulted Barry's sufficiency to save people. After all, he couldn't save his own mother nor his father. 

Barry shuddered and pulled back slowly. He cleared his throat, feeling tired and worn out. And Victor was so good, so sweet, so understanding. He patiently waited for Barry, didn't push him or forced him to tell anything that he didn't want to share. That's why it was so hard to tell him to leave. But he had to. He needed to get his thoughts in order. He needed to protect Victor from Eobard until he's ready to face the other speedster. He needed to save Victor from his own life dramas.  

"I—I need time. And I think--" Barry gulped loudly, long wet lashes fanning against the pale skin, "I think it's better if we don't see each other for a while." Victor frowned at that, shaking his head as he understood what Barry was trying to do. 

"Barry, no. Come on, don't do that." His hands grabbed Barry's shoulders. "Don't let him do this to you. Don't let him take this away from you." 

"That's exactly what I am trying to do." Barry said, forcing himself to sound more in control than ever. He politely pushed Victor's hands away and stood up. "There are things I have to do. Central City needs me. Eobard Thawne is still on the loose." Victor was quick to get back on his feet, reaching for Barry almost desperately. 

"Don't go after him. Barry, don't." Victor was almost begging at this point but he didn't care. He couldn't follow a speedster. He couldn't stop a determined Barry Allen. And Barry couldn't face Thawne. Not when he was so broken and confused. 

"I won't." Barry said. "Not now." He took a step back. "But I—I have to think. And I have to work. I need to learn more about my powers. He will come back. I know he will. And I have to be ready." 

"Let me help you. Let us help. You don't have to face him alone." Victor said desperately. He hated the idea of letting Barry go, allowing him to be alone after tonight. 

"I can't let him get to you, Victor. I know you can protect yourself, you are smart, strong and powerful. But Thawne is... He is just pure evil. And he doesn't want power or money. He just wants to hurt me." 

"Barry--" But speedster raised his hand to silence him as his other hand reached to the side of his cowl for commlink. 

"I need to go. Mirror dude is on the loose again. Iron Heights is not qualified to keep criminals like them." He said robotically. He walked to the edge of the roof. Victor watched him go helplessly. Barry looked back at him over his shoulder, finally a small, tiny smile appears on his lips. 

"Thank you, Victor." He said softly. "Thank you for being my friend... and so much more than that." Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.  

Victor stood on the same spot for god knows how long. Feeling more desperate and helpless than ever. He looked down at the Central City, hoping to see a trail of blue-white lightning and a red streak.  

Maybe Barry was determined to protect Victor and others in his own way. That doesn't mean Victor will let him. No matter what Barry thought, Victor was also determined to protect the dark-haired boy.  

He was not going to let Barry sacrifice his entire life because of some stupid obsessed psycho like he did all his life to save his father. He already lost too much.  

Victor was a patient guy. He could wait.  

Wait for Barry to come to his senses and accept that they are better together than separated.  

But until then, Victor would keep an eye on the Red Streak. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was hardest to write so far. Mostly because we saw happy!Barry, awkward!Barry etc. But we are yet to see emotional/hurt!Barry (though Miller is a phenomenal actor, I know he'll do a great job). The scene with his father was short yet it touched my heart. I was working on this one for a while. After watching JL second time, I kept wondering how they are gonna do Flashpoint (will they ever give Flash a movie?!). This Barry is still so young, so hopeful, so naive to face a psycho like Thawne. It's painful to imagine this sweet young adorable child getting taunted/haunted by an obsessed freak dressed up like a freaking banana.  
> We will see, I guess. I am worried about characterization, not acting. Flash needs a solo before Flashpoint.
> 
> By the way, I created a tumblr account for DC so, if you wanna reach me; lanthimo


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